A week #6
Shits been tiring.
This past week has been a grab bag of emotions. I've definitely felt frustrated a lot this week, but upon reflection not at the sources I pinned it on initially. Doing math remotely right now is in a lot of ways, not fun. I think there are a lot of things that professors can do to make it slightly better, but we're still isolated in a lot of ways. Part of my frustration is at professors for not helping to fill in some of those gaps that can be made up for within the online learning environment. Posting recorded lectures for students to watch on their own means most students never see their classmates faces, and are never in a common space to ask questions and hear other questions from students. A Q&A forum is a good start, but the barrier to write posts is much higher than it is to raise your hand and ask a question in class. I personally do my best not to feel stressed about writing a stupid post, but even the act of writing down a question is more work than raising a hand.
All that said, some of my frustration was because I was/am really struggling with some of the material right now. Last semester was a lot of work, but I never felt like I couldn't understand any of the material. I know that I can, but I'm feeling very slow most of the time. That's a relatively new feeling for me since my struggles in undergrad felt quite different. In particular when I was struggling in undergrad, there is generally so much material you're covering across many different classes, that you just have to do your best for a little while before the class moves on. Now being a graduate student and only taking two courses, I feel a greater priority to really study and understand much more of what's being taught. That's great because I'm almost definitely learning more, but it certainly is more stressful. Moving forward I think I can do a better job of understanding which one of these frustrations I'm feeling and better direct the anger into more meaningful action. The last thing I want to do is lull myself into a state of mind where I think it's not okay to get frustrated at things.
Aside from all that, I'm generally really enjoying the material we're covering. Lie groups/algebras, and representation theory is awesome. I wished I learned some of this stuff in undergrad.
Pushing along S3 cleanup stuff. We're getting close to the end. It seems. My promotion was announced to the team along with two other teammates. That definitely gave me some good feeling recognition which was nice. Still haven't heard anything about my raise though which is somewhat concerning.
I realized that in only having School and Work section on these weekly updates it may seem like those are the only important things in my life. The certainly are not, far from it. There are some privacy concerns about writing about other things online, that I haven't fully thought about, and so I'm just being hesitant. I'm not sure when I'll think about this more, but I don't necessarily have anything against putting some more personal things in here as well. Just wanted to make clear that I don't only care about school and work.